An Important Realization for Leaders: You Can’t Please Everyone

I am a huge fan of the beloved sitcom The Office, and particularly enjoy Steve Carrell’s Michael Scott character. I often found myself enchanted with his silly, absurd and obtuse comments that more often than not were simply outrageous. I was also mesmerized sometimes by his poignant one liners that stunned in their wisdom. In the middle of his never-ending comedic chatter that was laced with insecurities, hyperboles and magnified by his never-ending desire to be liked by his team, he sometimes surprised us with one liners that were loaded with uncommon wisdom. He showcased wisdom that we all can learn from.

Michael Scott is not a leader many folks should revere as a role model, but at some point during his reign as branch manager at Dunder Mifflin, Scott realized what most leaders eventually do: He could not please everyone.

Whether it was the cerebral Oscar, the eccentric Dwight or the office oddball, Crede, Scott always had an issue on his hands. After all, that is what makes good television.

While trying to please everyone might seem like a valiant pursuit on the surface, a seasoned leader realizes that attempt undermines him or herself and one’s decisions when the focus is on consensus and not productivity.

Managers and leaders are tasked with making difficult decisions that turn the wheels of progress for their company, and to that, one must let go of their need to be liked or their need for blanket approval. In turn, employees and co-workers will respect you for leading with conviction and confidence.

Laura Tanner writes on the blog Middle Managed, “It’s time to get confident in yourself! Self-affirmations and self-care will boost your confidence. This will lower your desire to seek our affirmations from others and resort to people pleasing as a leader.”

Consider the practical implications of trying to please everyone and the effect that might have on the seminal task at hand.

A new manager can try to please her or his constituents and fill their time with meetings, leaving no time to address the biggest issue — or what is commonly called the growth challenge. Learning how to get to no is a critical step for both you as a leader and your company as a whole.

As Ron Ashkenas, the coauthor of Harvard Business Review’s Leader’s Handbook, eloquently writes:

Sure it’s easier to just say “yes” in the short-term; but taking on an assignment that you don’t have the bandwidth for, or ones that will compromise other key goals, won’t make anyone feel good about you in the long run — and it won’t help your organization achieve its goals. That’s why “getting to no” is such a critical challenge to master.

Not seeking everyone’s affirmation does not mean isolating yourself in a silo of hostility, but there are other ways of complimenting and encouraging your employees.

Michael Scott taught us this when he went to office secretary Pam Beesly’s art show. He not only went above and beyond to encourage her passion for art, but he affirmed how much he cared for her even as she was likely frustrated with his erratic leadership style. It was an episode filled with humor and heartwarming reminders.

For some leaders, the need to please is inherent. They are people pleasers by nature. Remember, you are the human leader/representative/face of the business. When there is no progress, that reflects on you, and ultimately your performance is judged on that before anyone ever asks how well-liked someone was.

If you don’t enforce work requirements or give feedback when it is called for, bad employees may get away with bad choices that have more influence on their coworkers than your leadership. Good employees might start to wonder why they bother to work hard. Leadership expert Liz Kislik writes that it is critical to “identify both the hard and soft costs of the problematic behaviors, and share that data when you explain why things have to change.”

Set the bar high. Demand you reach that level first and your employees will follow. Remember what Michael Scott said: “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”